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8 Tips to have a successful relationship

How are you two holding up so long? 

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Anyone who has had a relationship for a long time has undoubtedly been given this issue. It's actually quite a good question, because maintaining a relationship for a long time and successfully isn't easy.

Do you also dream of a relationship in which you grow old together? Then make sure that your relationship meets these eight characteristics.

Honesty


An open door, but no less important: being honest with each other. Being honest means that you not only share fun and happy thoughts and events with each other, but that there is also room to be honest about the less fun things in life. Even if you know that your honesty could make your partner angry, disappointed or sad.


In a nice, 'safe' relationship you can go to your partner with all your honest emotions and you are open to those of the other. That brings the relationship into balance. It is important to realize that honesty can sometimes cause unrest and uncertainty, but in a stable relationship this unrest is short-lived and honesty brings you closer together in the long run. Do you notice that you find it difficult to be one hundred percent honest with each other? Then it can help to discuss this with each other.

Communication


communication
Communication is key to a successful relationship. But how do you actually know if you are a good interlocutor for your partner? Do you listen optimally to his or her story?

What matters in good communication is listening objectively and absorbing the other person's words, without immediately having an opinion on them. That sometimes takes some practice. If you know that you are quick to finish your word or have a strong opinion about things, it can help to pay attention to this during conversations with others (colleagues, a family member or the neighbour). The more you practice, the more aware you become of your way of communicating, and the friendlier and clearer you can communicate with your partner.

Of course, good communication has to come from both sides, especially in a love affair. It is therefore best to point out to each other that the way of communicating usually does not take you any further, but ends in an altercation without satisfactory results.

Acceptance


Accepting life, with all its twists and turns and surprises, is sometimes quite a task. However, resisting inevitable changes or undesirable but realistic events is even harder. Anyone who fights with the truth will never win that battle. What does help, however, is practicing your ability to accept.

No matter how difficult it may be to accept a changed situation - new feelings or other needs, for example - acceptance enables you to act and react out of love and understanding. That brings you both, whether together or alone, a lot further in the end.

Don't take it too personally


A relationship is pre-eminently a situation in which you take 'everything' personally. There is often no one else in your life (apart from your own children) with whom you feel as deeply connected as with your partner. Still, it is very valuable to occasionally take a step back in your relationship, to look at the situation from a distance.

Precisely because you are in the middle of it, it is good to zoom out every now and then. In this way you may discover that your partner's need for more freedom has nothing to do with you at all, but that he or she is just ready to develop himself in a different way. And that that doesn't have to be a danger to your relationship at all. But if you take every turn in your relationship personally, it is difficult to gain that insight.

Fulfilling your needs


Everyone has their own needs and desires and everyone is entitled to their fulfilment. It is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to fulfill all your desires and needs, but it is important that you are satisfied and happy with what the other person means to you. When dissatisfaction and disappointment dominate, you may have to adjust your expectations or the match may not be as optimal as it once was.

It may be that partners in their younger years knew exactly how to fulfil each other's needs and desires, but after twenty years this no longer turns out to be the case. People and their needs and desires simply change; as long as expectation and reality grow along with each other, there is little wrong. When it turns out that partners no longer manage to fulfill each other's needs or do not sufficiently comply with each other - which sometimes happens - then perhaps it is time to let go of those (unrealistic) expectations.

Accessibility

Nothing is permanent and everything in life is subject to change. When you as a person grow and change, it has consequences for your relationship. The same goes for your partner. Sometimes personal growth also means growth for your relationship. Sometimes, however, it means that your paths differ too much from each other to continue along the same path.


When you are able to accept the transience of everything, it gives a feeling of peace. Also a relationship is, unfortunately, sometimes transient. But life is too short to cling desperately to things that are actually no longer there. If you can accept that, you make it a lot easier for yourself and your partner.

Making yourself vulnerable

Those who adopt a vulnerable attitude are better able to be honest, communicate well and express their needs. Space for vulnerability in a relationship is extremely important; it allows you to be yourself and to better regulate your emotions. Particularly in situations involving shame, anger or grief, vulnerability is important, but sometimes difficult to evoke.


Mindfulness can help you to be vulnerable. You then look from a distance at how you react and which thoughts run through your head and are then able to react less impulsively or defensively in a difficult situation. This benefits the communication in your relationship.

Live in the moment

For a healthy relationship, you have chosen to enter into that relationship yourself. Sometimes you have to realize that and realize that you are the one who can make the best of it. Together with your partner, of course. Appreciate that you have each other, instead of complaining about that bad habit that you love. Don't take your relationship for granted, but marvel at your happy moments together. Really look at your partner when he or she is talking to you.


Whoever lives in the now and realizes the value of being together with his great love not only gives his partner, but also himself, the most beautiful gift there is: vibrant love that can be enjoyed consciously.

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